Go On Up You Bald Head!

That is from the story of Elijah and some young mockers who were eaten by bears when they mocked the sage prophet. God takes care of those dear, bald men.
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Well, Saturday, hubby and I opted to attend (rather impulsively) the first evening service at our church. One of his friends from high school and wife attend our church and we were going to meet them. We made this decision around 2:15 in the afternoon – just enough time to shower and fly out the door to get to the church on time!
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As I headed to the shower, I looked in dismay at the mounting growth of thick, spikey hair shooting out of my husband’s head – he is 1/2 italian and 1/2 northern European mut so he has a lot of hair, thick and dark and he has cut it in a buzz cut since his high school days and well the growth rate requires him to get a hair cut every two or three weeks. He has had the money hot burning a hole in his pocket for more than a week. I asked, “Why didn’t you go today and get your hair cut?”
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He replied, “Well, I thought that I would do it myself and save the money.” About 10 years ago I bought shears and made regular business of cutting his hair, but it is such a mess and after butchering it – I know, pretty hard to mess up a two all the way around, but I did more than once. So, he usually goes one saturday and has someone else cut the thick growth off of his head in high style.
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I listened to the fat raindrops hitting the windows at the back of our house and laughed, “Now where are you going to do that – it is not only raining outside, but it is freezing, too – and that is one heck of a mess to make in the rain.”
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He laughed in reply. “Maybe over the trash can?”
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I said, “Whatever, I’m getting a shower.”
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So, as I am in the shower enjoying the hot water and singing praise, my hubby comes in to start the shearing process. I don’t know why the verse about the lamb before the shearers comes to mind, but it just does. I hear the shears and peer out the steaming glass to see my husband standing with a trash can mounted on the counter and his head hung over it busily swiping away at the hair on his head.
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Then it stops, I look out and he has gone and relieved himself of some clothing because he was too hot standing there like that. Next thing I know a string of curse words come flying through the room – he is not given to cursing so I knew it was bad. I wiped away the steam and looked out asking, “Wha’ happened?”
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He looked disgusted with himself and his mohawk hairstyle, actually it looked like a mullet with no hair in the front… but I digress. He said, “What do you think?”
I said, “Did you forget to put the guard on again?”
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He looked at me like I had lost my mind. Nevermind he was the one standing there with half a bald head. “No, Actually, when I went to take off my shirt the guard fell off and I did not check before I started cutting again.”
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I couldn’t help myself, the silliest giggles began to erupt from somewhere deep within me. My daughter often tells me that when she sees someone hurt themselves no matter how bad it is she can never stop herself from laughing. Well, that is exactly how I felt. Trying to be sensitive to His feelings, I covered my mouth with one hand and prayed to God that my hubby could not hear me laughing my head off over the water.
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So, I finished my shower and he asked me to help him finish shaving all the hair off of his head save a fine black stubble. I told him as soon as I got dry I would help – so there we stood, me trying not to laugh and he with his head in the trash can waiting for me to cut off the remaining locks of his vanity.
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He hopped in the shower and I ran out to grab the cell phone. I called my teenagers who were not home at the time and said, “Whatever you do don’t…. (Lots of roll in floor, gut-wrenching laughter)” To which she replied, “Mom what it is… what happened.”
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So between gulps of air and laughter, I explained what had happened. My daughter felt so bad for my husband I don’t think laughter even crossed her mind. But, I couldn’t help myself. It is so strange to see this man known for how much hair he has to not have any at all.
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I am putting on my make-up with a straight-face when he emerges. He starts to trim his goatee and mustache on the lowest setting of the guard on his trimmers. I watch as he reduces all of his facial hair to mear stubble and all the while I am thinking back to the one time he shaved off all of his facial hair when we were dating. I remember my friend and I begging him to never show us a bare lip again. I was dismayed as I stared at the strange combination of stubble on his face and his head. I finally relented, “Just shave it all off.”
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He did, and I swear the man I married left the building and was replaced by a somewhat more handsome and mysterious fellow without any hair. When he put his shirt on his head got stuck because all that stubble kept the fabric from moving smoothly across his head. I told him he wouldn’t have to use so much shampoo and he agreed, “The shampoo doesn’t work at all, just slides right off my head.”
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I know the retelling is not nearly as funny as the experience, but I have to tell you it took one brave man to walk into church with his shining scalp and meet his friends who have never seen him without hair.
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On an ending note, we ran into our small group members at the end of the service and they noted the hair cut. You see, the last time we attended he jokingly asked for them to pray for him a hair cut – and I think he got his answer. The male leader, Ken, piped up and said, “I see you got your hair cut.”
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Funnier still, all my life I have been given to clean shaven, short haired men – most of them I preferred to be blonde, tall and blue-eyed. But when this barely 6 ft., dark headed, green-eyed cowboy came my way with his mustache and mysterious quiet ways, I just swooned like a teeny-bopper at an Elvis show. He has been my man ever since – hair or no hair. I love him so… and I feel terrible about his “mistake” as he calls it. I have apologized a million times for laughing out loud since Saturday afternoon, but, it was oh so funny!

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